17 November 2013

crazy...

I began shouting, crying, banging my head on the wall. I had become mad, insane with anger and frustration. The person just stood there and watched, did nothing, said nothing. Just watched as, me, the  madman, go mad and bang his head incessantly. Before he would come grab me, hold me, comfort me. Now he just watches, shakes his head and smirks...

"Nobody understands! Nobody knows what it means to loose your loved ones one by one!" I screamed and was foaming. I sense of desperation was beyond words, the intensity of feeling so abandoned was too much for words. You know what is worst then feeling like nobody cares? When you  try to tell somebody about how you are feeling and the person shuts you up or diverts the conversation away.... when the person says to you "Is this the same feeling as before or something new?" as if your feelings are not worth recognising because he has heard it again and again...

I banged my head till I was faint, cried out for help and attention till I was coarse. And then I just collapsed.

Too much... too much. I cannot take it any more.

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