Rainy night

I don't know why I even try, why I even hold onto hope.

When someone leaves you, things come to an end.

But I don't seem to get that. I keep on hoping, keep on dreaming and imaging that the way he looks at me, the ways and words that he says to me mean so much more. When all the while I've become replaced and mean so little.

So he's happy now. I can see it now.  He's happy now.

I should let my love and feelings die. 

Why torment myself further? Why keep the dream alive and think or imagine just because he's asked you go to on holiday together it means so much more than it really is? 

I left a friend's and walked home alone at night in the rain. It was a beautiful evening in the end, but the way it ended is so abrupt and so anticlimatic What is worse than having an evening surrounded by people than going home and realising I am all alone? Is there anything worse than hearing about what wild sex and intimacy people are having when I long nightly in bed for another person to touch me? 

 What is worse than going home alone when before, in an era perhaps only I can still remember, we used to go home together and chat till we were so dry in the mouth and sink into one another's embrace?