Dream

I suddenly woke up, almost an hour before my alarm was to go off. The sky was still dawning. 

I sighed and closed my eyes. Images of mum lingered on my eye lids.

I saw her chatting on the phone to a phone. She used to do that, sometimes for hours. There were a few people who used to call every day to check on her and her health, and they would talk about family and life, talk about news and stocks sometimes. To these "aunties", an to an uncle in particular, I am so grateful...

In the dream, mum sat on the edge of her bed. She sounded excited, but there was a point when the conversation became intense. 

In the next scene, mum was lying next to me, stroking my hair the way she used to do (I miss that now, even though before I sometimes found that to be too much, too intimate and "clingy"...)

And she began telling me about dad. For some years dad didn't go home but moved out. It was never clear where he went or what he did, and we suspected he had an affair...

In the dream, mum said he admitted to her that he met this woman at a bar be frequented, a place downtown called "Three Moons", 三月Somehow I saw and knew the place in my dream. She apartheid to be calm and had accepted it. Things are ok now between dad and mum, she suggested.

She continued to talk and I lay next to her, looking at her face the way I used to... She stated talking about fengshui, about the importance of finding a good house suitable for me to live in. She spoke quietly about having a family, and her regrets not being able to be there...

It was as if she knew. She knew she was leaving me. She knew. She knew their would be one of our last talks. She knew. It felt likethe last time I talk to her, hear her voice, hear her motherly advice.

I buried my face in her side, teared softly. I did that before, a few times those brief few week she was home between being discharged after her spinal surgery and being readmitted for excessive vomiting.

Those days she was home we spoke often, we struggled with whether to return to the hospital for more treatment or whether to stay home and prepare for the "end" at home. It was a painful struggle, and I don't know how we survived and went through all that... In the dream the conversations, those sentiments and that motherly affection and