Bright eyes...

Suddenly as soon as the music sounded in the room and the words flashed across the screen, I began to tear.I have not cried since my return from Taiwan, since I bid farewell to my mum, my dad a month ago...

Is it a kind of dream,
Floating out on the tide,
Following the river of death downstream?
Oh, is it a dream?

There's a fog along the horizon,
A strange glow in the sky,
And nobody seems to know where you go,
And what does it mean?
Oh, is it a dream...?

It's just a song. Just words, sentiments, sounds, notes, just the softness of an artist's voice, just the emotions evoked by vibrating chords on a guitar... Yet they mean so much more to my ears, so much more to my weary, weary heart and soul. A word, a sign, a song, a smell, a taste, a picture, a thought, a memory... everything and anything could cause the false sense of "I'm-over-it" to completely crumble and drive my mind and mood to experience such intense pain and loneliness...

Bright eyes,
Burning like fire.
Bright eyes,
How can you close and fail
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
Bright eyes.  

I saw my mum's eyes before me suddenly... eyes that once were so bright, so filled with love slowly fade as signs of her life waned and faded... Those soft, loving eyes that looked at me with such love and affection, that looked at me with such motherliness and unconditional care. Where could I find such a glance again? How can such bright eyes suddenly fade and become so eyes? How can the eyes of the mother I grew up imagining would watch me grow up and grow older, watch me graduate and settle down to found a family, so suddenly "close and fail..."?

Just as you think things are ok and life is back to "normal" again, just as you believe you can "move on", the sadness and the pain that is so deep and so personal comes back to remind you you are still vulnerable, you are still so very vulnerable and need to heal... "You don't move on from it, you move forward with it", I heard some one on the radio say the other day.

Move forward with it... move forward with it in the hope that one day, one day, the load will lighten, and that my eyes that "burn so pale" and are dampened with tears  will again "burn so brightly"...












Is it a kind of shadow,
Reaching into the night,
Wandering over the hills unseen,
Or is it a dream?