Trip south

200613.0916

Leaving Taichung station, the train is accelerating. Heading back to Taipei, less than more days remaining of this whirlwind trip home.

Almost everyone I've visited has complained this trip is too short. It's like "soy sauce dipping"-- brief and a light stay before moving onto the next place, next person. 

The last three nights is the longest I've stayed in any one since this trip began. The monastery in the mountains feels more like home than anywhere else. The monk is perhaps the closest person I have now, with whom I can empty my thoughts and feelings without holding back. 

There were three dogs last time I was there. Two have since passed away, including my favorite, a beautiful brown indigenous breed called Karma. The remaining dog, Monday, looks old and tired. She doesn't bark as much, and I feel she's lonely. There are two lumps growing on her chest area. I fear they may not be good. Just before I left, I patted her softly and stayed with her. She lay on her back and lifted her front paws in a very submissive and loving pose. We connected.

I said goodbye to the monk. He said he would miss me. For the past few days, we spoke a lot, about loss, about mourning and depression, about life and the dhamma. It is rare to find such a bond with someone, to have nothing I cannot say. After losing both my parents, he is the closest thing I have to a mentor, guide and parent. "Believe in yourself," he told me. When everyone tells you you are good looking and kind, when people think you are like an angel, and yet you don't think so, you don't believe them, where in is the problem? Is it not me and the fabrications of my own mind? 

A friend took me all the way to the high speed railway station. She's been a constant source of encouragement since I first met her at the monastery seven years ago. It was also seven years ago that I went to France to help her daughter while she was pregnant and struggling with single-motherhood. Now, that friend is married and has another child. 

Even today in the car, this friend kept in reminding me to love myself, and that I deserve so much more. she told me not to be so selfless, and to take care of myself, because I need to heal. I need to heal after all the traumas and heartbreaks, after the loses and pains...

Goodbye, dear friends... Thank you for making me feel at home. Thank you for reminding me I am loved and cared for.