I rode quickly, and it felt good. The adrenaline felt liberating. I felt free, temporarily distracted and feel like I'm doing something useful.
I rode and rode and came to the place where mum and I once were. Parc Jean Drapeau, the Iron Man monument where we once walked together. I so wanted to cry... So wanted to cry, but I could not.
I don't know what was/is wrong with me... I felt this pain of sadness that I wanted to release, yet I could not. I lay on a bench and closed my eyes, let the sun warm me up...
I am so broken and am lost how long I need to go through this. I must go through this alone... Why alone? Why do I feel so terrified, so very terrified...?
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