The self is relational. Who you are or who you perceive yourself to be is in relation to others... Friend, partner, loved one, family... How you interact with them is who you are at that moment.
Why do you speak so softly to some but so angrily with another? Anger and softness it's all within you. What have thee person done or not done to deserve anger or rage? And "done is done", is it not, is it not in the past? So why not be kind to yourself and to the person around you and be kind to all, regardless of what happened before?
The meditation teacher spoke of his battle against leukemia, how the doctor told him he had ten days to leave. Imagine the fear, the desperation and anxiety... Imagine family and friends coming to see you one by one and having to bid farewell to them... And most difficult of all, having to tell his eleven year old that despite the dying body, a father's love for the boy will not die. Ever. That is the stuff of life. That is real struggle with loss and coping with fear and anxiety...
When you hear and look at the lives and struggles of others, do you not feel more fortunate? Do you not feel like you cry about nothing and allow yourself to wallow too deeply in remorse and a world of pain and suffering of your own creation?
Not to trivialise at all my own hurt, my own pain and suffering now, which somehow has unleashed the locked away demons of the past/my childhood. Funny how hurt and pain can reach so deep and so pervasively inside of you that everything comes out... They have thrown me into the throes of doubt, self-criticism, anxiety, depression and negativity. They have undermined and overshadowed all the goodness I have within me, all the kindness I have shown to others, and left me feeling useless and worthless.
It is an ugly mindset I must free myself...
For how else will I feel loved? How else will another love me? How else will I love again...?
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