It's been over two since since the start of the lunar new year, and only managed to find time today to make offerings to mum and dad.
I woke up early and cooked. In fact the preparations began yesterday already, when I went to Chinatown after work to buy ingredients and vegetables. I was in luck, for it was late and I needed to have a whole chicken (per tradition) and wanted to get some duck, which was dad's favourite. The store was about to close. And there, hanging over the counter was the last duck and last chicken of the day. To borrow from Ang Lee's Oscar Best Director acceptance speech, "Thank you, Food God".
It was a solemn ceremony. I made several vegetables, bought egg tarts and made a red bean soup with glutinous rice balls (sesame filling) as dessert. I bought a bottle of Evian mineral water, and some fermented tofu for mum. I got out the cups mum and dad used often when they were still around, and poured freshly made green tea.
I kneeled on my knees, and closed my eyes. My eyes began to tear. The first time ever I worshiped to them both. First time is the most difficult time...
I welcomed them home, and apologized that I could not be there this year, in Taiwan, to see them personally. But I hoped, as i told them, the table-ful of offerings could make up for my absence. I went sat on the floor for a while, watched the Almond Roccas, the nougat sweets, the canned beverages, offerings of assorted fruits, including dad's favourite mangoes, bananas and mum's favourite berries. Little things that I know will speak to their hearts, that I hope can tell them, if they are around, that I think of them still, and that I still remember them and their favourite things...
I woke up early and cooked. In fact the preparations began yesterday already, when I went to Chinatown after work to buy ingredients and vegetables. I was in luck, for it was late and I needed to have a whole chicken (per tradition) and wanted to get some duck, which was dad's favourite. The store was about to close. And there, hanging over the counter was the last duck and last chicken of the day. To borrow from Ang Lee's Oscar Best Director acceptance speech, "Thank you, Food God".It was a solemn ceremony. I made several vegetables, bought egg tarts and made a red bean soup with glutinous rice balls (sesame filling) as dessert. I bought a bottle of Evian mineral water, and some fermented tofu for mum. I got out the cups mum and dad used often when they were still around, and poured freshly made green tea.
I kneeled on my knees, and closed my eyes. My eyes began to tear. The first time ever I worshiped to them both. First time is the most difficult time...
I welcomed them home, and apologized that I could not be there this year, in Taiwan, to see them personally. But I hoped, as i told them, the table-ful of offerings could make up for my absence. I went sat on the floor for a while, watched the Almond Roccas, the nougat sweets, the canned beverages, offerings of assorted fruits, including dad's favourite mangoes, bananas and mum's favourite berries. Little things that I know will speak to their hearts, that I hope can tell them, if they are around, that I think of them still, and that I still remember them and their favourite things...
On the floor I sat, and recalled the other day I was at the store buying something in preparation for this event. I tried to picture dad's face, tried to conjure the sound of his voice, but I could not. At least not immeditately And with mum... for a split second, I also forgot what she looked like, sounded and how the touch of her skin felt... A sense of panic overcame me. Am I forgetting already? Am I such a "bad" son to forget (even if temporarily) the faces of the people who gave birth to me?
At the end of the ceremony, I threw coins to ask whether my parents had finished. In one go, I got my answer. I bowed with deep reverence, and thanked them. I asked for their blessings, asked them to watch over brother, my nephew and sister-in-law. I also asked them to watch over me, to give me a bit of strength and help me find my motivation again. For truly the past two three months have been extremely difficult and lonely.
I went to lie down, exhausted from the ceremony, exhausted from the flood of emotions, and with moist eyes, I slept...
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