I was back home in the Netherlands, sitting in the living room. Out of nowhere mum appeared and sat by the sofa. I looked at her, admired her from a distance. She looked so beautiful, and i wanted to go and touch her, but I did not (I could not?)
Mum looked so... "normal". She was reading something, moving her body freely in ways she could not months before the surgeries and before she passed. She did not seem to notice me at all.
Then a number of her closest friends appeared. One by one they came to me and spoke to me. I forget exactly want was said, but they were trying to calm me down and reassure me for some reason.
A phone call came. Then a text message. Grandmother passed away.
I was distraught. By that point mum vanished from sight. I heard myself shouting and crying: "Mum's dead! Mum's dead! Dead! Dead!" Dead!"
The power of the heart and mind is strong. I'm caught up in negativities and fear, and will not be able to escape this vicious cycle of nightmares and clouded mindlessness if I do not open my eyes to seeing the world in more positive light...
http://mirror1.birken.ca/dhamma_talks/indiv/Mun/02/01_Just_Leave_It_Over_There.mp3
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