31 August 2012

Fear realised

This is the fear I had...
Coming home to my own life, to my own home, and feeling such terrible hollowness and aching inside.

How can I keep from crying...?

Mum is gone, really really gone...
I cannot just call her up and hear her voice. I cannot just call her up and listen to her describe her day.

I now finally realise why mum's friends, just before I left Taiwan, kept visiting me, calling me and telling me to hang on there, to be strong...

Because the pain of loss is overwhelming. Because the pain of losing the dearest member of your family can leave you unexpectedly crying in the middle of the night...

Who do I have left in my life?

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