First night home

Finally home now. After a journey that lasted over 24hrs. Though I slept most of the way, I am still exhausted and in a daze. My ex greeted me at the airport, which was a beautiful gesture. I needed someone to welcome me home, to give me a hug after this long and exhausting few months away.

we talked a bit, but not much. How much could you talk about within an hour of two of meeting after not meeting for several weeks? But there was a moment of terrible, terrible sadness, and I found myself tearing as he played some soft romantic songs.

My house is pretty much the same as I left it, my cat is as beautiful and cuddly as ever. One big change is that I have a flatmate now, who's been ever so kind staying over at my place to take fare of my cat. Leaving with someone else will take some get some getting used to.

I'm still in a daze, one exacerbated by my fatigue and general state of sadness. It'll be strange sleeping alone in my own bed again, strange to wake up in the morning and not to call home, not to speak to mum. It was my routine for so many years, but now none of that is necessary anymore.
How I will feel tomorrow morning, the morning after that, and the mornings years after tomorrow, I do not know.


I just hope I can sleep well, and not have such disturbed and terrifying images and intense sadnesses keep me awake at night like so many other nights after mum's passing...