Succumbing to feelings

I promised myself I wouldn't not give in... I held back, and I think he did too.
But who was I feeling? How can two people, who have had strong feelings, physical and emotional attachments to one another, restrain themselves lying next to one another?

It was powerful, beautiful, lustful, and deeply invigorating. But it was also scary and I found myself questioning: What does this all mean? These passionate kisses, these soothing touches and strokes, these whispers of "I miss you sooo much"? What do they mean? Is there but me in his world, or am I just a shadow, a ghost he cannot dispel? I asked myself as I let go of my senses and surrendered to my desires "He is with me now, but who was he with yesterday? Who will be with tomorrow?"

Those are the unspoken things, the unasked and unanswered questions.
At the time, as our bodies and lips melted into one another, the answers and questions did not matter.

But afterwards the hesitation, insecurity and doubts haunted my thoughts and quelled my initial enthusiasm to be drawn closer to my ex. Because it could all just be temporarily. And I could be hurt all over again, and again and again.