Facing death

 There is an ad in the Taipei Metro recently featuring three people, all famous celebrities. One man has his hands cupped around his ears... a woman has her hands covering her mouth... another man has his hands covering his eyes. "Regarding death," the caption reads, as three voices read out, "What is your attitude?"

There are three different kinds of ads, with similar messages. The setting for each ad is set in an airport, with the main character sitting and symbolically waiting with a packed suitcase. "Facing death, [you] should listen, talk, read". Listen to the advice of the medical care specialists, listen to your friends and relatives... Talk about your health, talk about death, about leaving this world, express your love, your regrets, your dreams before it is too late... Read about how to prepare for death, about the experience of falling ill, about the difficulty of dying, about the difficulties of letting go...

I have seen the ad numerous times, and every time I stop to watch it. "What is my attitude to death?" I find myself asking. I am not sure yet, but I would like to think I am not afraid. If I were to go now, I have little or nothing to regret about. I have said and written everything there is about myself and about my life, here or elsewhere. I just hope to leave this world quietly, as quietly as I came. I do hope to be able to leave something behind to this world and to some of its people. Which is partly why I feel compelled to write and to take pictures, in attempts to capture precious little moments and share them, lest they are gone and forgotten forever.

I know that death will come. Come to take my friends, my family away... I have see and experienced it first hand. I held onto dad's hand, as death took him by the other. And at times, when mum is hurting, or even when mum is smiling and laughing, I tell myself that death is always lurking around, waiting. In no way is this a morbid way of thinking, I do not think. It tells me to be vigilant, and to treasure every waking moment with loved ones and friends. It tells me to (try and) be the best person I can be, to (try and) give the best I can in all I do, and to everyone I meet. Which is why, even if others mock me for it, whenever I say goodbye to someone, even strangers I come across on the street sometimes, I silently wish them well, and openly tell them to take good care. "Contemplate death... contemplate that all things will come and go..." as the Buddha taught. Know that all things, all beings, are mortal and subject to change, subject to disappear.

Of course, I am afraid of losing mum, and I cannot imagine how I will react when that moment comes, however much I try to picture it sometimes. Fortunately, we have been frank about death, talked about it in many ways and many times. Of course I will hurt, and that sense of longing and loss will linger on and on, if not for as long as I live. But those feelings will come and go, come and go, just as people and things around me will come and go...

There are many people who do not know, do not want to know about death. They do not want to hear about it, they do not want to talk about, they do not want to read about it. And they are shocked and hurt beyond consolation when it suddenly strikes them. It is only natural, especially in a world where so much emphasis is placed on health, youth and beauty.

But part of life, part of living, is death and dying. Open your eyes, open your ears, open your mouth, and open your mind...