Taking back

There are moments I sorely wish I could turn back time...

If I could just take back the things I said, undo the things I did, especially those words and things that hurt people I care about in my life.

I feel such deep remorse and pain at how much hurt I have caused people. It makes me wonder what it is that makes me so insensitive to the feelings of others. It makes me wonder what is it  that makes me willingly or unwillingly cut people's hearts like a deep blunt knife. Do I do it on purpose? Do I do it with the express intention to hurt and with the sadistic will to see people become hurt? If I do, then why do I feel such deep, unbearable remorse and pain inside when I realise what I have done or said wrong?

And the worst thing is I'm not sure how I can rectify the situation... I can say a thousand sorry's and apologise profusely, but forever I feel it is not enough. Forever I feel deeply apologetic, and feel like I must go to lengths to try to make amends. This feeling is especially intense now after realising that I (have) hurt a boy who had all this time waited for me and craved my love and attention.  Especially as words are harder and harsher than sticks and stones...

But the truth is I cannot turn back time. Who can turn back time? I wish I could... but simply cannot....