06 February 2010

To dad

I am not sure what I should be feeling, if anything at all. I woke up, just like any other normal day. Outside, since the night before, a snowstorm had poured down over 30cm of snow. I thought coming south would be an escape from that winter cold.

I feel such a world away from the events that unfolded two years ago. I had to re-read what I had written to get my mind and heart back to that moment, even though it was a moment that will be defining for the rest of my life. The flight home, the anticipation, anxiety, the gradual realisation and reality of death...

The snow has stopped now, save for the few flakes falling from the heavens. A world of white stillness and serenity.







Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different date
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

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