Somehow it is difficult to pack my suitcase on this night before the night of departure.
It is not so much a problem of wondering what to put into the two suitcases I'm taking with me (there are plenty of souvenirs and gifts to stuff in... too many in fact!) It's more that with every thing I pack into the suitcase, I am one step closer to really going away. And that realisation is somewhat heavy to deal with.
Going away for how long? The ticket is for three weeks, but given my habit, it may be postponed, again and again. Especially now that mum has resumed her chemo treatment...
Not that I would not want to spend more time at home... just that I feel there are some unfinished things here in Canada I should try to wind up. My thesis, my future legal status, deciding on my next career/academic step... With all these things nagging me, I know I will be constantly thinking about them while I am away, and cannot really be or feel "in the here and now".
And every time before I leave Canada, I feel I will come back to a different place. The weather will probably be different, the cat may will become different (fatter and perhaps a little depressed that I was away...), and my mood and emotions will have changed much from being away. The unpredictablness is something I kind of dread, even though on the surface I can easily come and go, come and go.
Leaving is often difficult...
Going is much easier.
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