Just getting ready to crawl into my own bed again. I've been sleeping on the floor in the last two weeks or so and letting my dad sleep in my room. I don't mind at all, but sleeping with my cat who seems to get more and more active every night, spending time with my parents and studying late at night made me so exhausted.
In a way I'm sort of relieved that my parents are away. Life can slowly get back to normal again, without me having to wake up with the fear of when the next confrontation or argument will take place. It's comforting not having to walk around the house and trying to be on the look out for potential situations or words that can turn into a source of conflict. That constant shadow of unpleasantness and tension was tiring to live with.
Then again, I miss them both already, and I must admit, mum more than dad. They must be still on the plane, with another few hours to go until they land. Throughout the day, at times when I was sitting still, I'd wonder how they're doing, what they're doing sitting in separate seats on the same plane. The suitcases they have with them are pretty heavy, and I wish I could go along with them, if only just to lighten their load on the journey home.
Perhaps I miss the fact that while they were here, both of them gave me, in their own different ways, a feeling that I belong, a feeling of care and warmth that I need so much. I dread having to come home to an empty home, and with no one to look forward to.... I'm afraid that as the days and weeks go by, I'll again become the lonely and sighing boy, longing for that very simple and very little bit of human warmth and closeness that can make the bad thoughts and worries all go away.
There were many moments throughout today that I shed a tear or two asI recalled moments and images of them in the past two weeks here. And with the work I have still to do, the dealines approaching fast, I'll probably soon forget all the troubles and noises.
Life must go on.
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