In London

In London

Arrived after a six hour flight on BA. Though the plane was (relatively) new and one of the staff particularly friendly, I was unimpressed. The seats were cramped (granted, I was seated in the very sat row), cabin looked aged and dirty, as were the toilets), and the food was just basic and sad... What a great disappointment for an airline that seems to be so iconic and brand itself as posh and classy.

At least I slept a bit, almost right up to  landing. And in the spare moments I was awake, I wrote the letter I've been intending to write to mum.

An emotional one, for this is am emotional trip, one marking the end of the cycle of three years after passing that is so important for the soul of the departed. I told her about the house I bought not so long ago, news of which very few, and only the trusted few, know. I told her how I've progressed from the rock bottom of grief and mourning to stand up (somewhat) y'all again, three years on, and getting on with work, with teaching and recognised by my colleagues as capable and trustworthy. I hoped that she and dad are proud of me and what I've become...

There were intense moments I was so close to tears. But at the same time, the tiredness and stress about the lectures in the coming week is dampening my moods and making me feel more stressed and frustrated than emotional.

I made a quick transit through central London, took the underground to King's Cross, where I hung around and had lunch before making my way onto the 130pm train bound for Newcastle. Is it bizarre I would be heading to go see the parents of my ex? Three years have passed since my first visit, and who knew I would be visitng under these circumstances. His mum was diagnosed with cancer and recently started treatment. Its only been the first session, and she appears to be alright, but when I heard I had this sudden urge to go see her, and this one and a half day transit time in the UK gave me the opportunity.

Why it is I feel this urge I do not know... Is it because I feel and see these reminders of mum and her whole ordeal going through treatment? Is it because I feel I want to somehow do something, anything, to reassure my friend's mum that it'll be alright? I bought propolis, protein powder, lavender oil, all things I used to bring my mum from afar, and which I know will make facing treatment a little more bearable. It feels like one of those little operations/missions I used to embark on which gave a difficult situation a more "human" and emotional touch. Because, my god, cancer can rob you so much of hope and fill you with such dread and despair...

It might be a little awkward, and I really didn't want to trouble them in any way, but they were so kind and invited me to stay over (making it all the more awkward...).