09 September 2013

Monday Blues

I kept hearing voices, seeing images, and my sleep was so disturbed and cut short. 
Mum's voice. The Ex's voice. Mum's face. Images of familair places.
Waking up, I felt so tired, so drained and dragged myself to work.

Once I reached the office, I closed the door and tried to focus. I could not. The dizziness and fatigue made me so unproductive. I kept seeing images, and memories came back to me out of the blue. I could not shut them out...

It was no the way home, on the metro that I struggled hard to contain myself... Again, this gnawing sense of loneliness, this terribly draining sense of abandonment and detachment from the world and everyone... 

No, it is not over...
No, I am not over things as people like to presume and imagine. Even today, someone at work said I look "better" nowadays. If only they know how I feel inside, if only they knew how terribly lonely I feel, and how much I long for real human contact and intimacy...

 A mother and  her child sat close by. She put her arms around her child, smiled and kissed the child's forehead. In her eyes, the pride of seeing such a beautiful being, in her eyes love and affection and joy...

In my eyes, when I turned away and stayed out the window of the moving metro, were tears.




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