Dreams of mum

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Twice I dreamed of mum. Both times they were agonising dreams.

I can't remember what happened, I just can't anymore. But I remember seeing mum's face, and then being so shaken by the sight that I woke up feeling such intense pain, feeling like I was bursting into tears ("dry crying" as I like to call it...)

Was mum trying to tell me something? Have I been too lazy, too unproductive, too complacent with money and not doing anything worthy of mention?

I've been trying to get myself better... I've been trying to "cure" myself of this "illness" by going out, doing new things and meeting new people-- all in the hope that by placing myself outside of my comfort zone, I can find my spirit again.

Isn't that what I learned this weekend? That there's a spirit in all of us, that we need to be in tune with nature and that we need to nurture our spirit, let it grow and develop?

There's a spirit in me, I feel it... It is trying to break free... Break free from death, from anger, from fear, from abandonment and trying to energise itself again...