At the end of the day, when friends go home, when I come home, the quietness settles. And so do the memories...
It has been a fun-filled few days, since Thursday night. I've been extremely social and lined up the evenings with friends. It's nice to catch up, to sit around the dinner and have dinner like old time's sake. It's fun and distracting for as long as it lasted...
I took the metro home, and out of boredom I browsed through pictures on my phone. Pictures I dare not delete, but probably should soon. I saw pictures of this time last year... How difficult those days were, how heavy and depressing those days were. How did I get through those days? How...?
I almost cried on the metro seeing mum's face on the pictures. So thin and so frail she was... Now she is gone. Nobody knows what it's like. Nobody asks anymore how I am feeling. It's as if with the passage of nine months or so, to others all the memories have been erased. It's as if with the passage of time, the trauma and pain can quickly subside.
But in truth, hiding behind every goofy and playful pose, lurking behind the smiles I display so beautifully on my face, are lingering sentiments of sadness and longing. Who can understand or fully know how I still long for company, why I crave being in the arms of someone close and why I so much long for affection, love and intimacy...?
It has been a fun-filled few days, since Thursday night. I've been extremely social and lined up the evenings with friends. It's nice to catch up, to sit around the dinner and have dinner like old time's sake. It's fun and distracting for as long as it lasted...
I took the metro home, and out of boredom I browsed through pictures on my phone. Pictures I dare not delete, but probably should soon. I saw pictures of this time last year... How difficult those days were, how heavy and depressing those days were. How did I get through those days? How...?
I almost cried on the metro seeing mum's face on the pictures. So thin and so frail she was... Now she is gone. Nobody knows what it's like. Nobody asks anymore how I am feeling. It's as if with the passage of nine months or so, to others all the memories have been erased. It's as if with the passage of time, the trauma and pain can quickly subside.
But in truth, hiding behind every goofy and playful pose, lurking behind the smiles I display so beautifully on my face, are lingering sentiments of sadness and longing. Who can understand or fully know how I still long for company, why I crave being in the arms of someone close and why I so much long for affection, love and intimacy...?
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