Another scan, another test

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10.24

Another scan, another test. Today a whole body bone scan to identify where around mum's body there are traces of the cancer.

 It's a scan that uses a radioactive isotope that must be injected around four hours before the actual scan into the patient's body. The radioactive trace element acts as an indicator, and will highlight the precise areas where there are "problems"...  It's a scan that mum has done before, and one which I had accompanied her to do once before.

Another scan, another test. At which point does it stop becoming relevant? At which point do you become numb to it all?

 I sat there and waited for mum to complete her scan, waited as her body slowly slid into the machine massive and the sensors took detailed pictures of her bone structure. I sat there and remembered the first time I was with her, sitting in that same corridor waiting for her to come out I was so  very afraid, so very anxious.

 But today I was just numb... Perhaps spending almost two weeks non-stop at the hospital has that effect on you. You become numb... Do you cease to care, cease to be worried like you used to...? Do you Cease to be as anxious as you used to, even when the technician inserts a painful and thin needle into mum's arm and injects her with a radioactive and toxic (though to limit tolerable for the human body...) chemical?

I just sat there and waited for mum to come out. And when she did, I wheeled her back to ward at the nerve regeneration centre. As if it were the most normal thing... As if being in the hospital, walking from ward to ward, as if seeing all these nurses, patients and doctors were the most normal thing, something that would  no longer make you raise an eyebrow or make you flinch...

Another scan, another test...