I lay down to sleep, and I managed somehow. But in that twilight zone between sleep and consciousness, images came to me. Disturbing images that I cannot remember any more. I had an urge to go see my friend, who was two doors from me. So I crept silently toward his room, knocked gently and opened the door.
He was in bed, but on the phone. I knew immediately to whom. And I apologised for intruding on his conversation. All my desire to talk to him, to have a nice heart to heart chat with someone close was gone. I felt like I was intruding in his life, disturbing his quiet time with his friend (for lack of a better word, "guy he's seeing"), and perhaps it was wrong of me to come all the way here and be here. What did I expect? What was I even thinking?
But it was so confusing... just moments before, he was bedroom and he kissed me goodnight.
I guess what hurt was that before, even just a couple of months or so ago, I was the one my ex would be calling the last thing before he went to bed. But I'm not that person any more. "All change" as they say when the train reaches the end of its route, and something my ex and I used to say and joke about when his previous relationship broke down. It's just a little bizzare, and painful, that so soon those two words apply to us.
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