Plans

We all need to make plans. It gives our lives some kind of order. It gives us something to work toward. It gives us hope that we  can achieve something when we set our minds and hearts to it. And for mum, I think plans will be important to make sure she lives a fulfilling and happy life.

Mum and I were talking today. Ever since her retirement, she has been in and out of hospital until a month ago. It is a month to the day that she embarked on her long awaited trip. Time really has flown by, and we are already in the last week of her stay here in Canada. Off to the Netherlands next, where she will stay for some time, how long exactly is yet unknown.

...but what about after that? I said I really hope she can think about what she would like to do. What about moving here for a little while, I asked. Despite the turbulent first week here (especially because of our arguments), she has been telling me that she is beginning to enjoy life here more as she gets to know the neighbourhood and the city. Of course there are details to be worked out, and I don't think I could live with her for a long time under one roof (which she understands and accepts), but it would be nice if she could be closer by, at least for some period of time. It would really save me the hassle and interruptions of having to travel to see her so often.

But then again, staying in Canada will be somewhat more complicated, for not even I have any status here (yet?). So I said perhaps she can consider going back to live in Europe, at least for a short stay every year. She wouldn't want to live with my brother and his new family, but it would be feasible to have a little place close by where they live, so they can check up on her once or twice a week. With the new baby reporting in soon, I said it would be wonderful for her to be surrounded by her first grandchild, and that it would give her lots of joy seeing and being with a baby.

She will consider these options, and of course, they are just ideas. A lot of things and plans depend on her health condition, and whether her tumour will spread or not. But I told her again and again, it would do her good to get out of the apartment she lives in in Taiwan, to get away from the crowds of people, from the polluted and noisy city life, and, at least for some time during the year, go live somewhere peaceful. It will do her health and her mind much good, and it would also put my mind more at ease.

In a way, I am telling her all this, and hoping mum would make plans for her future because I genuinely wish she could find stability and happiness in her later life. She has the means, the freedom to travel and go wherever she wishes, so why not take advantage of that, and live, and most importantly live happily?

In another way, perhaps for selfish reasons, I hope she can be settled down in a comfortable and good environment so I can be more reassured and not to have to worry so much. The selfish reason being that really, after all this flying back and forth, after a lot of delays to my studies and future plans, I would so much like to get a start. Spending time with her is pleasant, but it can be tiring and at the end of the day, when compared to my friends and classmates who seem so advanced in their lives and careers, I feel sometimes useless and somewhat ashamed of what I am doing (or not doing...)

We can make plans, we can imagine what wonder things can happen when plans come together. But in the end, the whatever will be will be.