Uncle

My cousin sent me two pictures, as he normally would on traditional holidays. Most of the pictures show him and his family happily together for the festival, and many are of his cute son, and more recently, cute son and daughter.

I opened the latest email with picture attachments today. It was entitled "Dragon Boat Festival celebrations". I saw a small version of the picture but did not recognize the people in it. I could only make out that they are praying with incense sticks before the family shrine.

I clicked on the pictures and zoomed in... And then I saw it. My aunt, my dad's older sister, standing next to her husband, my uncle. But I could not recognize him.

His head was completely shaven, completely bald. And he looked thinner, thin and tall, with a clean shaven head. I could no believe my eyes, until I realized what must have happened since I last saw him back in February.

Just before my brother's wedding he had been in the hospital for "treatment". It was never clear what for, but I suspected it was to remove a malignant tumour, as I overheard the conversation over lunch one time.

I wrote to my uncle, sent him some little booklets containing Buddhist teachings about letting gland not fearing death, just before I left Taiwan. He was eternally grateful, and said it was verge thoughtful, especially the card that accompanied the booklets. Growing up, it was him who often wrote to us, it was him who often would send us little newspaper clippings and words of advice and wisdom.

In the last three months since I last saw him, he must have undergone chemotherapy of some sort. Who knows for how many times.... As I zoomed in on the pictures, it was as if I could see he sadness on my relatives' faces. I recognized that sadness, it is the sadness of being confronted with illness, confronted with the increased chance of death, that saps away all motivation and the last semblance of happiness from within. It is a sadness that is heavy, oh so very very heavy...

My heart cringed when I saw my uncle's image, and I had an urge to go see him. Soon, even though my entire trip to taiwan this time around has so far been kept a secret from everyone except my mum, my brother, my sister-in-law and her family.

But I feel the urge to go see my uncle, talk to him, and talk to his family, because I know how painful and difficult it is to live with cancer. I know how painful and difficult it is to watch a loved one suffer and be sick...