My cat is rubbing against my leg and sitting next to me. Occassionally, she jumps on my desk and eyes me from her crouched position, purring whenever I give her a soft stroke. She knows how to touch a soft spot in me, a spot that's made even softer as tomorrow I will leave her again for a number of weeks... I wish I did not have to, and looking at the way she looks at me makes me feel guilty this time tomorrow she will be all alone. Maybe she enjoys that... maybe she likes to be 'boss' and roam around like she is the queen of the household, lie down and shed fur wherever she pleases... but I somehow know that she enjoys company, as much I enjoy hers.
Yes, my suitcase from last time has hardly had time to collect dust, and I am again on the move. At least in the last couple of weeks I've really managed to be productive, not just with my research, but also helping out a bit with my school's journal. Overall, it's been a good few weeks, despite the loneliness getting to me at times. Lonely, not only because I long for someone to be close to me, but also because I sometimes wish I could have someone to talk to, to share feelings without feeling like I'm unloading and taking up their time...
At least when I go back to Taiwan, I won't be so "lonely" anymore... It'll be a different kind of lonely. Sure I'll be with my family, with mum almost constantly, but I won't have friends I can talk to or see when I feel like it.
It'll be different than being alone here, as I have something to do, someone to take care of, and that somehow make the days go by really quickly. On the eve of me leaving, I wonder how mum really is doing... she says she is well on the phone... but nothing can be more real than seeing her, holding her in my arms, seeing how the hair has fallen out since I last saw her...
I'm not sure how I will react, how I will feel inside, but what the case will be, I must be strong.
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