Graduation

It's not my first 'graduation dinner' of my current studies at McGill (but hopefully it'll be my last...). There's a strange tradition at our institute of giving students the honours of being accepted to the McGill family even before they have finished the exams or completed the thesis. And since I'm still making excuses not to complete the latter, I technically have not yet graduated.

Even so, graduation dinner is always a good opportunity to dine at the posh falcuty club, and to get together with friends, old and new. Three hours of speeches, applauses, laughs and fine dining and wine later, what impressed me most was the question which came back again and again from people I spoke to: "So what are you doing next?"

Not sure. But of course I can't say that. What I did say was that I am in the process of completing my thesis, and that there've been events recently that have slowed down my progress, but hopefully I should be done by year's end. But I guess that's the short term goal, and what most people mean by "what next" is the long term career plans.

Again, not sure. I look around the room of professors, of professionals, of high-flying lawyers (literally, as it was full of air lawyers...), of chairs and members of this and that prestigeous council or association, of well paid employees of this renowned institution or organisation. They all seem to have an impressive CV and wealth of experiences... And I am still stuck wondering what to put on the next page of my thesis... I feel like I cannot compare, can never compare to them.

Not that comparing is healthy... but just, as the keynote speaker said, I don't know what drives me, what interests me so much that I am willing for the next years or even decades to dedicate my life doing. What fills me with passion, what can make me fulfilled and so captured that can make me wake up every morning filled with the same rejuviant sense of pride and drive that will carry me through each and every day? I guess writing comes close to that... and travelling too. Writing and travelling to see the world and its peoples inspires and touches me deeply. But can I really make a "career" out of it? Is it not more than a hobby or past-time, something someone would do besides the hectic life of 'real' work and toil at a desk from 9 to 5 (or later) day in, day out?

I do not know, and I have not known for perhaps always... Hence when people ask, I look nervous and answer back that I am still considering options. I guess staying in school, or at least not grauating keeps me safe and sheltered from having to really decide, to really commit and face the 'real' world of work and life...

But I can't do this forever. I cannot postpone graduating and having a "career" indefinitely without a steady income to sustain myself (and cat...).