Back to normal

I feel my mood sinking these days, and the anxieties are mounting. Maybe it's the fact that I know that in less than two weeks I will be packing my bags and leaving again. That really makes me feel unsettled and short for time, especially given the many things I still have to do before the long trip.
But I think there may be something fundamentally missing from my life.

Sure I have good friends, friends I get together occassionally with to have fun, to chat and have a good laugh. But at the end of the day when I go home, there's that emptiness and loneliness at home, one that even my cat, however loving and affectionate she is, cannot fill.

I want something more... more affection, more intimacy, more connection than just simple laughs and chitchats, with someone I feel for, and who feels the same (or more) back. Someone who can challenge me, who can inspire and stimulate me, instead of unloading me with the repetitive gossip or complaints about this or that person in thw small circle of friends. Someone who can make me feel like I want to get up in the morning and start everyday new and fresh. Someone I can turn to after a long day, and be next to, even if we say nothing at all.

But it seems that it may be selfish to want to depend all those wants in another person. True happiness comes from within, not from without, as I've been told too often. And beside, I'm too often travelling around these days I cannot settle down, cannot find the time or mood to find someone to develop the kind of relationship with I long for.

And if I do come across someone special, will I feel really happier?