Brother troubles

It is a real shame that it has come to this. My brother only ever calls when there is something he needs. And recently it is help with money to renovate his house. It's been going on a while, and he really has invested a lot of time (and now money) into the place... but things seem to be getting out of hand.

The most recent episode revolves around an interior decorator. Long story short, she decided not to continue with my brother's work because for a while she was involved with work for my mum. Basically there was a difference of opinion, and she decided to quit, which basically leaves my brother without a decorator.

And the last two weeks, he has been calling and been angry on the phone, blaming left and right. I can understand it is frustrating, especially as he has to deal with the construction work and the renovations all by himself. But I don't understand what it is that he wants from mum, or from me. Every time he calls, he is full of anger, full of blame, keeps on saying how much trouble he has to go through, how much extra energy and money he has to waste, because my mum made a real mess of the situation...

But what purpose does it serve to blame and to scold someone after the deed has been done? I really don't know what he wants, what he expects mum or me to do. All I can say, as I have said so many times before, is to be realistic with the renovations, and to spend what he can, and try to make the best of the situation. This does not get to him very well, and in fact attracts a whole tirade against me (and my mum) for not caring, never caring and never willing to care.

I can speak to him, but I cannot get through to him. He is such a difficult person to talk to, and whatever I try to say, whatever sense (or what appears to be sense to me...) I try to get into him, he turns it into a weapon and uses it against me (or mum). What pain and anguish he has caused us... and yet what can I say about that? If I complain about his angry words, his blaming and his scolding, he turns it into how we do not give a damn about his life or wellbeing, how we do not understand his needs or do not care about his problems.

All I can think of is mum in the background... she is listening to all of this, and hurting deeply inside... how painful it must be to hear your own son scold and blame you for mistakes that cannot be turned back again... how painful it must be to bear the angry words and the deep resentment hidden behind those words, and to know that it comes from the child you spent hours and tireless amounts of energy and time to bring up. And he actually bites back, demanding apology, demanding that you sit and listen to the scolding and the hurtful emotional outpouring.

I can see mum hurt and her hair become white over the past two weeks already...