Goodbye, dear friend...

“David… I’m dying.”

I almost could not hear him.

“…dying,” he repeated. A coarse whisper that took much effort and energy.

I did not know what to say, except hold onto his hand tighter, and look at him more intensely in the face.

Are we not all dying? Is that not the natural way of things, the way of the universal law of Dharma? We are born, we live, we get caught up in worldly emotions and material things and we suffer, some suffer more than others. And then we die. That is all.

But that realisation is sadly one which most make upon death. My friend was not crying, nor shivering in fear as he told me that he is dying. He was calm, despite being weak and tired. He was firm, despite the months and years of ongoing treatment, and dashed hopes of finding a treatment

Leaning in close, our cheeks touching, I bid him goodbye. It felt like a final farewell, and perhaps both of us know it. “Let go,” I said, “May you be happy, peaceful…” I gripped his thin hand and fingers one more time. I turned away to walk away, but turned back to see my friend waving. His arm was thin, frail and the movements were weak, but the small smile on his face was genuine. I walked back, and grasped his hand again. “Take good care”, I said, and finally left.

I had to lean against the window, and let the tears flow for a few minutes. Outside, were rows and rows of hospital wards that had seen much birth, suffering, and death. Such pain went through me, such raw emotions I never knew existed were released in those tears that temporarily watered my world. Pain, not so much because of the encroaching death, but of watching a dear friend fade ever so slowly and ever so painfully before you.

And then I braced myself, swallowed hard, bit my teeth tightly, and watched the pain. It is only so much, as the Buddha taught, it is only an emotion that comes and goes, comes and goes…

Comes and goes, as certain as life and death.