Still ill

Me no feel so good...

Been five days, and still pretty much ill. Haven't really been doing much, besides resting, but the cough doesn't seem to want to go away. And now everytime I cough, my head aches... I don't like taking medicine, especially the chemical stuff, so ginger and honey tea and some homeopathic herbal poitions is really what I've been taking. I know it'll go away, but as is often in life, whenever you're suffering, it seems like it's forever.

It probably didn't help having to work today, in the rain and wind. Tried to call in sick, but they really had to have me work because the storm in the past few days meant that a lot of mail couldn't be delivered. So had to just bear it and work, though surprisingly despite the amount of mail I finished everything in four hours.

Had a long talk with my brother last night. Well, as usual it's because he wants something, and this time it's a car. It doesn't matter what he wants to do with the money he makes, but I reminded him if he buys a car he won't be able to pay all the bills and mortgage. He still insists on buying, and I know when he wants something he won't rest until he gets it. Together we talked about how much expenses we have every month, and how much money is coming in.

Well, it's been decided. For him to buy a car, I'll need to contribute three hundred euros every month to the living expenses, on top of the grocery shopping I occassionally do.

To be honest, I'm not sure what to think about all this. On the one hand, I guess it's fair I pay something, since I'm living at home for free, so the money I pay can be seen as 'rent' (ironically, to stay at home). And I guess I can just about manage to scrape three hundred from my student loan and (meagre) salary. And I don't want to ask my parents for anything any more, since they've been paying too much for too long.

But then... I've been wanting to move out for sometime already, and if I have to pay that three hundred every month so that he can afford a car, I can't afford to move out any more. Why should I have to continue staying in this place so that he can have the pleasure of having a car??!! My first reaction last night was to just let this pass. Perhaps... it's just another sacrifice I have to make to keep someone else happy... And besides, I really dread having to look for a place and move again. It seems like I've been moving every single year in the past five years, and it's not fun. Not at all.

But when I think about having to stay here probably for the foreseeable future, or until at least I finish my studies or have a steady income, I shudder. The fights, the non-talking... the lack of that feeling of home, even though this is supposed to be home.

I really don't know what to do...