Something else

During my talks with my cousin and his wife, we also touched upon the big topic of relationship.

Now, for an outstanding and fine young man like me, the fact that I'm still single and not even had a serious relationship (as far as they know) is a little....queer.

They relayed more of my parents' fears and hopes to me. Funny to hear what my parents really think, but could never tell me directly. Both my parents are worried that I might go through life lonely and single like an uncle I have--who, mind you, seems happy and is quite welloff, though I seriously doubt he could be gay. My dad is worried that being the 'sweet and gentle person' I am, gays will come and 'take me away'.

I couldn't stop myself snickering inside, even though I kept a straight face. If only they knew the truth. But the truth would devastate them. That much I know. I'm guessing my mum would probably be more accepting, since she already suspects (and I've not exactly been too closed about the whole thing in the past), but my dad would probably totally freak out. That's why I'm writing this here, away from their prowing eyes and attempts to (re)gain control my life.

One minute they're worried I might be gay, and then the next they're worried I might be involved with 'poor quality'. Quite bizarely, my parents seem to also be worried that I might be involved with that mother-friend in France!

Granted, I've been there twice in the last two months and stayed there weeks every single time I visit. But I told my parents time and time again, that those concerns are purely and simply groundless. First of all, as much as I love the baby, she's just given birth to another person's child. Second of all, I sometimes cannot stand her obnoxious and demanding personality. And then there's the fact that she's a she, which is most off-putting of all. I shared a bed with her so many, many nights, but there was nothing between us, not even a slight spark!

Maybe they're paranoid, irrational, thinking way too much, but one thing is for sure, they are really worried. I've told them time and time again there's nothing to worry about, and that I live a happy and good life, but being (Asian) parents, there's nothing else they want more than to see me be successful and eventually raise a family. So for now my stance is just let them worry, let them be unhappy and concerned about nothing. Because really there is nothing they should even be remotely concerned about when it comes to the way I live.

More than anything else, they are the ones who should be concerned about the unhealthy relationship they have with each other! I told them before, if they want to be worried and concerned and unhappy every single day, they can do that. But don't let that affect my happiness and wellbeing. A little selfish perhaps, but frankly I'm tired of this kind of nonsense and hypocrisy.

There and then, as I sat and talked with my cousin and co, I wanted to say "I'm gay!" I wanted to just shout it out, and to stop them giving me advice on how I should consider trying to get someone (meaning girl) to share my life with. Sure, I'd like to have someone else in my life, perhaps more than anything at the moment, but it's not the kind of someone they expect.

But I couldn't. I know for a fact my cousin is homophobic, from the way he reacted to watching Brokeback Moutain. His wife seems more open minded, and I'd think she'd be alright with it, since she's just the type of person you could talk to about anything. So I stayed with the 'no ask, no tell' stance. They didn't ask, so I didn't tell.

I could live with that. And I guess they'll all have to too.