Ill

I was gone less than 12hours, and came home to mum sick and coughing horribly, throwing up and producing large quantities of phlegm. Already past midnight, and she cannot fall asleep, and neither can I. Another late night, even though I am so physically and emotionally drained from my trip earlier in the day. It really was not easy... Not easy to again be on the brink of losing someone close in my life, someone who was a part of my childhood and an integral part of those carefree summer days in the countryside of southern Taiwan...

With treatment planned in two days, mum cannot afford to fall ill. Just yesterday, she told me she wants to delay the new treatment yet again, because she is not feeling up to it.

I am not sure if that will be a good idea, as the doctor seemed really eager to want to conduct the new treatment as soon as possible, perhaps fearing if not done soon, the target areas may become too big for the treatment to be effective.

Countdown to Monday begins...

Completely drained....

I'm so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open... So very tired from being awake and alert and responsive to mum's every need, and from sleeping terribly on the foldable sofa. So very tired I can type no more and must retire... And yet even when I sleep, my mind is bombarded and laden with thoughts, with dreams, with images of my ex...

There is no rest, no real rest...

For now I will just say a lot will be decided in the coming days, and it will very much be life threatening and -changing...Though the surgery was a success, but it did not completely get rid of her cancer...

Induction

Got an email today from uni today saying they want me to be there at 8.30am "sharp" tomorrow for induction. A surprise really, because they had over two months to inform me, but did so on the very last day. Better late than never.

So I had a look at the two-day programme: talks, lectures, welcomes addresses, tours, boat trips, museum visits, city walks, dinners and lunches, and a party to finish it off. Exciting. Yes.

But to be honest I'm nervous about attending. I've never been good in social situations, certainly when there are lots of 'strange' new people around. I've never been good tactful in just walking up to someone and introuducing myself or striking up a conversation with the aim of 'getting to know you better'. So as excited and looking-forward I am about starting my studies again, really I'm worried about 'fitting in'.

I know the induction programme is supposed to 'loosen you up', a sort of meet-and-greet, but just imagining myself there with all these other people around makes me shiver... I'm that nervous.

But then again, everyone else will be in the same 'boat'...it helps, to think and know that. Even just a little bit.