Another night my mind was filled with dreams as I slept. Again, I seemed be looking for mum, and I woke up feeling so lonely and vulnerable in my bed.
It may be that for the past three weeks or so, since my cousin came I have been so busy and spending so much time around Someone that I've forgotten what loneliness and emptiness feels like. And now those feelings have returned with a vengeance.
The break is over, the travels and time with my cousin and friends who were visiting are over (at times, I have to admit I was hoping it would be all over soon). Back to my home with my little cat, back to my routine of work, sleep, eat and the stuff of life.
I have to admit, I enjoyed having my cousin over, having someone in the house to be around with, having someone to take care of. I missed that...
And in so many ways, particularly the way I was showing my cousin the way things are here and explaining to her how life works here, I felt a deja vu and connection with the summer of 2011 when mum visited me and stayed for six weeks with me. How I took care of her.... How I pampered her and showed her around and treated her like a special guest...
Perhaps those experiences then, and the experiences wirh my cousin these few weeks, remind me of what I have lost, and what I would like to find and build up once more.
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