Last year, while going through the depths of my mourning period I met a friend whose mum was in the final stages of her illness. We connected and got to know one another, and coping techniques, through the illness that caused so much pain and grief to our loved ones, and to us.
I've not seen the person for months, and suddenly today, I got a call and then message saying that his mum is in her final days. My heart went out to this person and it was as if in that moment my heart sank, I felt his sadness and pain. Is-- the ability to feel or at least empathise with another fellow being's feelings-- not this what makes us feel, what makes us compassionate, what makes us human?
I shared with him how I coped, what made me strong, what made me go through it all. He said he can't imagine how hard it must have been for me and how I managed to get by.
Thinking back, I cannot believe how I got by either.
With the support of wonderful medical staff at the hospice, with the presence of my brother, my nephew, with the visits of mum's friends and relatives. With the beliefs of Buddhism that nothing is ever permanent. Nothing...
I told my friend to be strong, to be there with his mum as much as he can, to hold her and touch her and show her that she is loved.
Because nothing else, in the end, matters.
Nothing else.
People who have not experienced death or seen it in their face cannot understand this.
But I believe my friend understood very well what I meant.
Nothing else matters.
Not the trivial things that we get worked up about.
Not the rivalries and jealousies that hijack our hearts.
Not the that temporary feeling of elation after hurting someone intentionally or out of spite.
In the end, there should be just love, just the realisation that at the end of one's life nothing else matters except true love, undying love.
I think he felt somewhat comforted, but I could also sense that he is dealing with a lot of heavy emotions, and that this heaviness will sure mount and remain for the period that is still to come.
After care-giving, after watching a loved one deteriorate to bone and skin, after watching helplessly as someone suffers, there is no reprieve. The mourning, the loss, the emptiness is of ,an intensity that (at least for me personally) was multiple times more unbearable and unfathomable. And to this day, I am still trying to cope.
To this day, even if people do not ask, even if people seem to have forgotten, I still struggle to hold back tears and my emotions.
The final stages of cancer is a painful process.
But it can be smoothed out with compassion, love and the presence of loved ones and friends.
And I am glad, after experiencing this all, something good came out of it. And that is the ability to listen, to share my expriences, and to be there for another who is yet to start on this very painful, difficult and often lonely road ahead.
I've not seen the person for months, and suddenly today, I got a call and then message saying that his mum is in her final days. My heart went out to this person and it was as if in that moment my heart sank, I felt his sadness and pain. Is-- the ability to feel or at least empathise with another fellow being's feelings-- not this what makes us feel, what makes us compassionate, what makes us human?
I shared with him how I coped, what made me strong, what made me go through it all. He said he can't imagine how hard it must have been for me and how I managed to get by.
Thinking back, I cannot believe how I got by either.
With the support of wonderful medical staff at the hospice, with the presence of my brother, my nephew, with the visits of mum's friends and relatives. With the beliefs of Buddhism that nothing is ever permanent. Nothing...
I told my friend to be strong, to be there with his mum as much as he can, to hold her and touch her and show her that she is loved.
Because nothing else, in the end, matters.
Nothing else.
People who have not experienced death or seen it in their face cannot understand this.
But I believe my friend understood very well what I meant.
Nothing else matters.
Not the trivial things that we get worked up about.
Not the rivalries and jealousies that hijack our hearts.
Not the that temporary feeling of elation after hurting someone intentionally or out of spite.
In the end, there should be just love, just the realisation that at the end of one's life nothing else matters except true love, undying love.
I think he felt somewhat comforted, but I could also sense that he is dealing with a lot of heavy emotions, and that this heaviness will sure mount and remain for the period that is still to come.
After care-giving, after watching a loved one deteriorate to bone and skin, after watching helplessly as someone suffers, there is no reprieve. The mourning, the loss, the emptiness is of ,an intensity that (at least for me personally) was multiple times more unbearable and unfathomable. And to this day, I am still trying to cope.
To this day, even if people do not ask, even if people seem to have forgotten, I still struggle to hold back tears and my emotions.
The final stages of cancer is a painful process.
But it can be smoothed out with compassion, love and the presence of loved ones and friends.
And I am glad, after experiencing this all, something good came out of it. And that is the ability to listen, to share my expriences, and to be there for another who is yet to start on this very painful, difficult and often lonely road ahead.
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