Over a week since my return to Montreal. No great big fanfare for my birthday (in fact, my brother only realised it was my birthday when I spoke to him this past weekend), no special welcome or anything in particular. It's back to life as usual, as if I've not been away at all.
It does feel like I've not been away. Besides the experience of being so ill, the three weeks went by so quickly and I don't remember doing much worth mentioning. The only thing I "took" from my trip is the ordeal of the illness. Memories of the fever and burrning sensations and pain all over still makes my skin crawl. Even to this day, I still feel pain in my chest and have trouble breathing when I lie down.
I know, I know, I know I should go see a doctor, but I just hate going to doctors and clinics. I just bear the waiting, and having my health checked. I'm in fact shaken just thinking about it. I've seen too many doctors, waited too long at hospitals, been too often to appointments and heard so much disappointing and heart breaking news I just avoid it all like the plague...
So I've been staying home most of the time, and I have very little desire to see or talk to people. Its turning out to be a very solitary start to my 30s. I've been watching a lot of series online, my suitcase is still unpacked, a big project I need to work on still un-started. I just feel so weak, and so tired, and the coughing and chest pains make me tired even more.
The cold is really unbearable, and it's already early March. I thought being away for a while I'd escape the full brunt of winter, but it seems this winter is here to stay. At least the days are getting longer, so there is more light and it's less depressing.
So theres not much to report really. Very solitary life, keeping a low profile, keeping to myself and staying out of harm's way...
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