Just wrote a message to the ex. It's his birthday today. There was a time when he would be here with me at the stroke of midnight... when he would fall asleep and wake up next to me. But it is all so quiet here. Same bed, same apartment, some old stuffed animals lying around. Same me, filled with the same old undying sentiments... where is he now? Does he still remember? Would anyone still remember the old days when you are in the embrace and showered by the affection of a new someone?
Probably not. why would anyone torture themselves with sadness and the past after moving on? Why would anyone look back at the unpleasantries and shouting when they have made a choice?
And what am I doing? Still dreaming, still getting worked up about someone who is history... I wrote him a message wishing him all the best of happiness and joy, hoping that someone else can give him more than I was ever able to give him. That is the greatest gift I can give an ex. The only gift I can give someone is my blessings.
It does not matter I am still languishing with feelings, fighting bitter, bitter loneliness and still trying to mend.
I need to drink something or take some sleeping aid so I can be knocked out and fall asleep. I dread this will be a long, long and torturous night. Another long and painful night in bed.
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