I burst out in tears the moment I woke up...
In m dreams, I was with mum. I was hugging mum so tired and crying on her shoulder. It was such a tight and warm embrace, like I have not felt in such a long , long time. I miss mum so much, so much... especially now in this holiday season when people are coming together with loved ones... Winter, and the month of December and beginning of January, has to be the most painful, most upsetting and lonely season of all... I dread this coming month. Dread the festivities and holiday music, the shopping crowd and the families and gatherings and scenes of Christmas trees and fireplaces...
Hence this dream. Because deep down inside, I miss all this, and have nothing, no family, no good friends I can call family, nobody I feel close enough to that can make me feel the care and affection I so long for...
In the dream, mum and I were traveling. I seemed to be some kind of indoor amusement park, and we separated so she could have her fun, I would go my own things. We agreed to meet together again at 8pm. But as soon as I went into the section of the park I went into, I lost myself... the lights, the enticing arcade games, the thrill, the boyish pleasures... I lost track of time, and the last thing that really amused me were these toilets that were completely automatic and put on a wonderful display the moment you're done with your business.
I must have spent over two hours there, and then suddenly I remembered mum was waiting outside. How guilty and anxious I felt! How horrible...!
I ran outside, my heart raced so, I felt like crying already...
And then I saw mum standing there under a clock. The hand showed close to nine fifty...I was almost two hours late. She looked worried. She lost agitated and lost.... but as soon as mum saw me run up to her, her face changed and became a smile...
I hugged her and burried my face in her body. And I started to cry. "I'm sorry mum, I'm so sorry," I said...
"It's ok, it's ok... You were enjoying yourself and forgot the time. It's ok..." she patted the back of my head. She comfort me with soothing words. She hugged me tighter to tell me it's alright.
But I could not stop crying. All I could think of was I let her down and kept her waiting for me... all i could think of was that I was selfish and didn't think of her, maybe even disapponted her...
And how lucky I was (in the dream...) to be in her warm embrace, to feel and touch her, to hear her, to be in her embrace and feel her body hear her motherly voice. How lucky I was in the dream to feel the protection of her arms, to feel the strength of a mother protecting her young, to feel the forgiveness and understand of a mother...
I could not stop crying in the dream...
And I cannot stop crying now in bed.
In m dreams, I was with mum. I was hugging mum so tired and crying on her shoulder. It was such a tight and warm embrace, like I have not felt in such a long , long time. I miss mum so much, so much... especially now in this holiday season when people are coming together with loved ones... Winter, and the month of December and beginning of January, has to be the most painful, most upsetting and lonely season of all... I dread this coming month. Dread the festivities and holiday music, the shopping crowd and the families and gatherings and scenes of Christmas trees and fireplaces...
Hence this dream. Because deep down inside, I miss all this, and have nothing, no family, no good friends I can call family, nobody I feel close enough to that can make me feel the care and affection I so long for...
In the dream, mum and I were traveling. I seemed to be some kind of indoor amusement park, and we separated so she could have her fun, I would go my own things. We agreed to meet together again at 8pm. But as soon as I went into the section of the park I went into, I lost myself... the lights, the enticing arcade games, the thrill, the boyish pleasures... I lost track of time, and the last thing that really amused me were these toilets that were completely automatic and put on a wonderful display the moment you're done with your business.
I must have spent over two hours there, and then suddenly I remembered mum was waiting outside. How guilty and anxious I felt! How horrible...!
I ran outside, my heart raced so, I felt like crying already...
And then I saw mum standing there under a clock. The hand showed close to nine fifty...I was almost two hours late. She looked worried. She lost agitated and lost.... but as soon as mum saw me run up to her, her face changed and became a smile...
I hugged her and burried my face in her body. And I started to cry. "I'm sorry mum, I'm so sorry," I said...
"It's ok, it's ok... You were enjoying yourself and forgot the time. It's ok..." she patted the back of my head. She comfort me with soothing words. She hugged me tighter to tell me it's alright.
But I could not stop crying. All I could think of was I let her down and kept her waiting for me... all i could think of was that I was selfish and didn't think of her, maybe even disapponted her...
And how lucky I was (in the dream...) to be in her warm embrace, to feel and touch her, to hear her, to be in her embrace and feel her body hear her motherly voice. How lucky I was in the dream to feel the protection of her arms, to feel the strength of a mother protecting her young, to feel the forgiveness and understand of a mother...
I could not stop crying in the dream...
And I cannot stop crying now in bed.
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