So much shouting, so much anger and hurt. Words and accusations were hurled at me. I could do nothing right, I was to blame for everything when all I've ver wanted, all I've ever done is tried to do my best, tried to give my all... In the dream, I was called "selfish", "spiteful" and nuts. I saw myself breaking down. I saw myself running away with tears streaking down my face. And I jumped off of something am fell and long way.
I kept waking up in the middle of the night. 1am, 3am, 6am... Everytime I woke up, disturbed, i wonderwhy I dream these things and why I still long for the presence and conpany people who were once the centres of my world... Why does my mind torment me by still making them a part of my world when they are no longer around, when they have moved on in their own ways? I must let them go. They have let go, in one way or another... I must let go. Let go, because no one, nothing, can take away my torments but me.
Next to my lyeth emptiness. There is no consolation, no person to hold. Tired and and sleep deprived... Shaken and so beaten. The winds blows in gusts outside. Rain is falling, falling.
Like one of the last words mum said to me before she left: "you're on your own now..."
I am on my own now. Struggling to keep sane, struggling to keep memories and images of the past at bay in my waking and sleeping moments.
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