Again I realise how loss is such a lonely, lonely process, one that cannot be shared, one that cannot easily be described or felt by another. And again, like so many times over the past year, I feel like I am bothering another by trying to express how I feel.
And what makes it harder is that people do not understand. Mourning and any show of emotions seems like the great "abnormal". I've experienced this first hand, and have felt like I'm being chastised because I lost someone and am feeling the effects of that loss. People do not want to talk about death. People are scared and uncomfortable talking about or listening to you talk about crying and coping. This is not just my experience, but the experience of everyone I know from my group therapy. Mourners are shunned like outcasts, pariahs. Which hurts more because exactly this is the time we need encouragement and support. Exactly this is the period we need compassion and understanding, and not weird looks and comments as if we have changed so much and become so different. I mean, if you lose someone, you will know. You really will know and understand.
How terribly unsettling and unfair on mourners to have to deal with loss and also deal with social ostracisation. While the rest of the world moves on... while people climb up in their careers, while people find partners and get settled down into their cozy little lives, while people fight and argue and get worked up about petty details and discontents, the mourner's life seems to stand still. The mourner seems to be lost in time, trying to grapple with the past, and so afraid to let go, so afraid to move on. The mourner seems lost in loss, hopelessly longing for some semblance of understanding and human contact.
I don't want to be stuck in the past. I don't want to grow older and more bitter. I don't want to be treated like some irrational fool who is saddened by flashbacks and reminders.
I want to be loved, I need to be loved.
I want to be heard, I want to be understood.
And what makes it harder is that people do not understand. Mourning and any show of emotions seems like the great "abnormal". I've experienced this first hand, and have felt like I'm being chastised because I lost someone and am feeling the effects of that loss. People do not want to talk about death. People are scared and uncomfortable talking about or listening to you talk about crying and coping. This is not just my experience, but the experience of everyone I know from my group therapy. Mourners are shunned like outcasts, pariahs. Which hurts more because exactly this is the time we need encouragement and support. Exactly this is the period we need compassion and understanding, and not weird looks and comments as if we have changed so much and become so different. I mean, if you lose someone, you will know. You really will know and understand.
How terribly unsettling and unfair on mourners to have to deal with loss and also deal with social ostracisation. While the rest of the world moves on... while people climb up in their careers, while people find partners and get settled down into their cozy little lives, while people fight and argue and get worked up about petty details and discontents, the mourner's life seems to stand still. The mourner seems to be lost in time, trying to grapple with the past, and so afraid to let go, so afraid to move on. The mourner seems lost in loss, hopelessly longing for some semblance of understanding and human contact.
I don't want to be stuck in the past. I don't want to grow older and more bitter. I don't want to be treated like some irrational fool who is saddened by flashbacks and reminders.
I want to be loved, I need to be loved.
I want to be heard, I want to be understood.
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