What is this flatness I feel? This strange flatness of emotions as if nothing is bothering me when something is bothering me? It's not agitation, even though there are emotions I wish to express but cannot. It's not anger or frustration, even though I feel something is dying to burst inside of me... What is it?
I cannot describe it. I cannot even talk about it with people who are my friends. Because they do not listen. Because they do not understand that sometimes all I need is someone to listen, Someone who will not trample all over my feelings but telling me how wrong it is to feel down and unmotivated, someone who will not dismiss my feelings and struggles to find myself with meaningless talk and soundbites of how things will be better (if I didn't know that, I wouldn't be trying so hard and doing all these things to be better...) all I need is someone who will listen and not just stare at me uncomfortably and quickly divert the conversation to latest gossip...
Today at therapy we got this beautiful piece written (it feels like) just for me. It was written by someone who was placed in different institutions over several years.
All he needed was someone who would actually listen to what he was saying.
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