Rush, rush, rush

Everything so last minute, so rushed. Trying to catch my breath, trying to find a moment of calm amidst the hectic moments of worry and insecurity.

I sent my friend off last night, and tonight I'll be at the airport again to send myself off. I promised myself I wouldn't travel until January, but a number of reasons "make" me now sit in the metro with two pieces of luggage on my way into school early in the morning. Or at least, they are reasons I tell myself can justify me   Jetting away again...

My ex, even though he's my ex has so often expressed hope that I could go visit him at his home. And somehow, I feel if I don't visit him now, I probably will not get a chance in the future. I know the situation between us is complicated, and perhaps it's completely naive and foolish of me to travel across the globe to jut surprise him, especially how he's hurt me in some ways over the past few months and weeks... But he's special to me, and even as just a friend, I would do anything to make him happy and smile. I would (literally) travel the world  to show that he means a whole lot to me...

Then theres my nephew, who turned three months, and yet I've not even had the chance to visit him. What a terrible uncle I am! Three days from now is sinterklaas, the Dutch Christmas, so what better time is there to pay him a surprise visit?

It will be hectic today. Need to drop off my suitcase at the office, then head to the hospital for a few hours of volunteering. then rush downtown to get some last minute gifts for my brother and his family. Then at around four in the afternoon I have a thesis meeting with my supervisor. After that, I need to rush to the airport to catch my flight.

So many things all at once! I'll be so relaxed and relieved once I'm on board the plane tonight....