Cut off

She said it was a mistake, in retrospect. A three year relationship, and then two years as best friends. But those two years they were "together without really being together"... calling one another a lot, tell each other the deepest and most personal things in their lives, and at times sleeping next to one another.

"It stopped me from moving on," she told me. If she could do it all over again, she would cut off all contact for six months, or as long as it takes. Just cut off ties. It's better to hurt for a month (or so), then let things linger on. It's better to be lonely and feel that strong longing for a little while, then to be left lingering and wondering whether you will get back together again.

She told me I should move on, try to deal with the important things in my life. Imagine using all that time and energy I am 'wasting' thinking about my relationship with my ex, and how productive I could be if I could divert all that energy and time to something else... I feel it, and I fear it too. I too fear that I will be the one left alone and longing still at the end of the day, whereas my ex can (and has been able to...) get into another relationship and still be comfortable benefiting from whatever it is I am able t and willing to provide him as a friend, as a best friend, as an ex who still cares deeply about his wellbeing.

I care about him, and I think he cares about me too. But he left me, and now is with someone else. He tells me not to worry, to  be patient, but at the same time, seems has that comfort and security of a relationship, whereas I have nothing. Do I not deserve better? Do I not need love and assurance and care, especially with all the things I'm facing right now? Why does he imply I should wait for him, when he is already out there and so quick to move on to  something new, whereas I'm at home feeling miserable and alone?

There will come a point when I will just stop all this, and cut ties with the fetters of the past which has been holding me back for too long...