Soothing pain

I took mum's left hand, and stroked it gently. It was very wrinkled, and very soft. An abnormal kind of soft. compared to the right hand, it looked and felt different. I noticed that the left hand was a little curled, and the skin dented between the thumb and index finger.

Later, at the massage parlour, mum's  masseuse said that the abnormal softness was due to the constant pressure on her nerves, causing the left arm and left hand to contract. "Chemo kills good and bad cells!" the masseuse said. Mum lay on the massage table and groaned a little from the pain. But at least afterwards she would feel better, at least for a little while, and on rare occasions, a day or two.

The first morning I woke up at six or so in the morning to the sound of mum groaning. It was a groan from pain, and I immediately rushed to her bedside. Mum lay there, her face contorted in pain.
She said the pain killer had lost its effect, and she was feeling pain again. It happens, as the drug lasts only six hours or so, after that the pain can be felt returns, with a vengeance.

The soreness and pain in her arm seems to be getting worse. Relying on medicine is the only way to keep the pain at bay, and massages are an added bonus to make her body feel less sore all over.

Sometimes I steal glances at mum when she's not looking. And I notice how her face twitches in pain, how she frowns from pain...

I wish deep down how I could do something to remove that pain. But I know I can't. The only thing I can give her is to hold her hand, to smile at her, and hope my touch, my smile is enough to soothe her pain...