I still get emotional when I talk about my stay with mum recently. I guess it has really had a tremendous impact on me, more than I realise, and more than anyone else can ever comprehend...
at lunch with two friends today, out of concern they asked me how mum was doing. To be honest, I'm always lost as what to answer. She's not well, but at the same time she's not in a great degree if pain and suffering either ( at least not to my knowledge...) "Stable" I said eventually, "At this stage as long as it does not worsen thats a good thing".
even having been back here for almost three weeks now, in the back of my mind I still wonder whether it was right to leave her, especially whenever mum has to go to the hospital all alone. I sleep terribly at night, my mind so disturbed and strained by thoughts and worries, and i wake up often more exhausted than before sleeping.
I call her twice a day , sometimes three times- to the effect that she jokes that I'm calling her as if after each and every meal of the day. "You really worry too much" she said the other day "Concentrate on your own things and get your work done"
It's easier said than done.... But somehow I'll have to manage.
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