"This is life..."

The second last night before I leave on a jet plane. I sat next to mum's bed as she lay covered in bed, the white teddy she bought me sitting right next to her pillow. Almost every night, I would sit by her bedside and talk with her till she is about to fall asleep. "It's already been two months," mum said, "The days have passed by so quickly..."

In the last few days, I noticed that some of the things she says reveal her sadness about my departure. I feel the same way too, and maybe that's why I'm sensitive to those sentiments too. And it feels more difficult to hear that coming from her. It is not that she is trying to make me stay, for really she does want me to go and do my own things, but how can a mother not miss her child when (s)he is not around?

"This is life..." I said quietly, "If you live with worry and fear, days will pass by [feeling] as if they were [as long as] years. But living happily, living with laughter, the days pass by so quickly." Like so many times before, I tried to encourage her, to comfort her, and to help her get back to life on her own.
Again, she said that I've done many things for her in the last two months, and thanked me, to which I could only reply with a smile. What is there to thank? I thought. I am doing the best I can, and doing what I feel I should do as a son for as long as I can. When I am gone, I can do no more. However difficult it will be to leave upcoming Friday, if anything should happen, she will know that I care, that I love her deeply...

On her bedside table is a book entitled "Living a Healthy Life", which I was happy to see her reading while she soaked her feet. The book is written by a doctor who had terminal cancer, but decided to change his outlook on life. Instead of fear and thinking about death, live a balanced life, he recommends. Live a life of exercise, of sunshine, a life of smiles and peaceful thoughts, a life of being with nature. His illness is now under control, and he encourages other patients not to view cancer as a death sentence, for it need not be. Mum has many such books, as well as many books about Buddhism and the teachings of Dharma. They will offer her invaluable solace and mental support.

"Go out, go to the mountains when you are feeling up to it. Go see our relatives and friends and laugh a lot," I said. Earlier in the day, I took her to go see flowers at the Taipei International Flora Expo, and we had a great time together, walking among the different sorts of plants and breathing in the fresh scent of exotic flowers and trees. Every day should be like this. Seeing the world with new, excited eyes, feeling interested and alive at all the amazing things there are to admire in the world.

I may not be physically here with her in two days time, and it may take some getting used to. But really, I have done all I could to make her feel loved and cared for. Most of all, I have often strove to make her feel like that all her efforts and hardships bringing me up has been worth it.

There is a special bond between my mother and I, one that can withstand the test of distance and time...