A long while after dinner, brother came to sit down with mum and I in the living room. He poured himself a glass of wine and began.
He's been stressed at work, and doesn't have much free time. Without wanting to be confrontational, I pointed out that he seems to have a lot of free time to chat online with his girlfriend every night the moment he gets back from work. Why does he have time for that, but no time to spend with mum? Why is he so smiley and happy in front of the webcam, but so sulky and angry-looking in front of us?
It wasn't my intention to play the blame game, but just to point out the facts. All these days and weeks since mum has been here in Europe, my brother hardly spends time with her. Sometimes an evening would go by and they would hardly exchange a word... Why did I quickly rush back here, when I could have stayed and picked up my life back in Canada? It's because mum was feeling lonely, even though they're under the same roof every single night. "You can see your girlfriend when she visits later in the year", I said bluntly at one point, "But whether mum is still around then no one knows..."
I was upset, and I have every reason to be I believe, at my brother's behaviour and his attitude. And some things are best said out loud than left to simmer...
Who would have known my brother began to be defensive, saying he's been busy and exhausted by the ongoing renovations. He even blamed us left and right for not doing anything to help him, even if mum and I both live on different continents, and accused me of treating this place like a hotel. I didn't say much, but deep inside I was confused how I should treat this house when I don't even live here. Should I get on my knees and start scrubbing the floors as soon as I come here? Should I cook and clean and contribute to the electricity bill to make this place to make this place my own? I don't even live here anymore! I'd rather pay to stay at a hotel than be faced with a grumpy face every night. At least at a hotel I don't have to worry about leaving marks of the wall or water stains on the kitchen counter...
Then brother went on to say that it's not our place to say what he should or should not do after a hard day at work... I wasn't trying to tell him what to do. But is it so wrong to spend 5 minutes walking in the forest with mum after dinner? Is it so wrong to chit-chat with your blood relatives during dinner, instead of with an image of a person who's in another country, in another timezone?
And came perhaps the brunt of brother's irritation towards mum... The bath-tub incident two weeks ago. Mum wanted to take a bath, and used a scrub to scrub the surface clean. But scrubbing left some scratch marks which drew a whole torrent of wrath and angry exchanges between the two. Brother has been, as we learnt today, brooding over that incident and his precious bathtub ever since.
All because of a bath-tub! A piece of porcelain (or is it laminated artificial fibres?) that has no feelings or emotions can be the cause of so much sulky and anger, so much drama, hurt and tears? "There are so many bath-tubs out there," I blurted out, "But there is only one mum."
I left the room after saying what I needed to say. I don't harbour any ill feelings toward my brother, because he is the way he is. But what is incomprehensible is how one can put so much weight on insignificant little details and material things compared to spending more time with our own mother whose health and life is constantly hanging by a thin thread? All this anger and ill feeling and sulking will do nothing to improve her condition... if anything, once again mum has been utterly disappointment in the worry, care and love she has devoted to bringing my brother up...
I sure hope brother heard what I have had to say today. I really thought brother had changed, that he had softened and become more susceptible to feelings and reason after seeing our friend pass away a few months ago... but all this proves otherwise, which is very disheartening. Most of all for mum...
My fear is that if brother continues like this, and the day comes when mum does finally leave (and that day will certainly come...), he will live the rest of his life with anger and regret. That's why I'm telling him all these things... trying to talk him into treasuring the moments that we still have together as a family, because those moments are lost and gone forever...
Anyways, I'm leaving tomorrow to wander around neighbouring countries for a bit.
And by this time next week I'm out of here.
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