Irritated

I don't know why but I've been feeling so irritated and frustrated these past few days. A lot of muddled thoughts racing in my head all the time... no rest at all, even when I sleep, I dream, mind-wander and am thinking about this or that. About the conference next week, about work I've been given to do from my institute, about mum's condition, about my travel plans for the coming weeks...

Really, I feel so tired, so mum booked me a session with her masseur to release some tension. As soon as she pressed down on my back, she said she could feel it. There's an "energy" (qi) that's stuff in my chest, no wonder I feel oppressed often. Whatsmore, my neck and shoulder muscles are so tight that it hurt whenever she pushed down on them... I really cannot relax... to think of it, I'm not sure when the last time was when I really, really unwound and relaxed without thinking about work or other things bothering me. Sure, I may be flying all over the place, visiting all these countries, but the trips are really stressful, and at times emotional. Not exactly holiday...

Been spending so much time working in front of the computer these days trying to finish off my presentation, and also to finish off work I promised people I'd do. But it's sucking away so much of my time, precious time I had originally planned to do a meditation retreat or spend with mum.... Maybe this is a source of my irritation, my frustration. I've here, at home, but I'm not really "here" but almost constantly working....

So I'm looking forward to a trip I have planned after the conference in Singapore next week. Planning to take a train ride from Singapore up to Bangkok, and spend a few days with two good friends in Phuket. Normally I'm not a fan of beaches and sun, but anytime to get away, to spend with friends is a welcome change from the intense level of stress I feel right now...