Believe

Children as young as five, crying, praying, fainting together at the command of the preacher.
Intense, shocking, emotional.

Children homeschooled and taught that there is no truer word than the word of Jesus, and that all you do in life, you should pray for his blessing, and repent for your sins.

Children indoctrinated by 'born-again' fundamentalists, and who believe that Christianity must take over the US, and who believe that Bush is on the right path to rooting out the evils of abortion, liberalism, homosexuality and anyone who is not like 'us'.

That's what Jesus Camp was about. A beautifully made Oscar nomination documentary about the lives and one summer camp of an evangelical children's group who are taught to be God's 'soldiers', and told to wage war against everyone who is not with them, and anyone who is against them. A message that is perhaps all too similar in the War on Terror.

I sat there in the little art-house cinema, disturbed, and shaking my head, but at times also bursting out in laughter at the absurdity of it all. I have no problem with religion... but taking and forcing it on young children and filling their vulnerable minds with black-and-white messages of sin and salvation, good and evil, them and us, Jesus and the devil is just psychological torture and traumatic on the upbringing of so many innocent children who may grow up trapped and confined to this narrow and closed-off world of God, gospel and prayer.

My friend sat next to me, and she too was shaking her head in disbelief, and was even at times horrified and embittered by what she saw. Religion can heal, can fill gaps in people's lives, but when taken to an extreme of fanaticism, it becomes pure propoganda and a drug to control and subdue people. It becomes a means to create senseless masses with no free will, with no freedom of dissent, and creates a whole hysteria based on blind faith and following.

And to think these kinds of people are governing and guiding the most powerful and supposedly freest and most affluent nation in the world is just baffling...


After the movie, my friend and I went for a drink. Hours just flew by. We just sat down and talked and talked and talked. First about the movie, sharing our ideas and thoughts, but eventually we went deeper, and started to share our lives and pasts.

It's refreshing to talk to someone, one-to-one, and amazing how you can get to know a person, and realise how people have so many similar fears and needs. It's like holding a mirror to yourself sometimes... and just listening and watching, while the image talks. You learn, but also 'teach', and in 'teaching' you learn. Sometimes it takes listening to just help someone. Offering a few simple nods, or a smile of sympathy, or a short but meaningful phrase like " I understand" goes a long, long way.

And then there are those beautiful moments, when you tell other how much they mean to you,
how much they changed your life for the better, how much they've give you guidance and support. It sends shivers down your spine.... shivers of pleasantness, shivers you get only when you've found and treasure something so precious and close to heart. She admires me, and I look up to her... it's like we have this symbiotic relationship at this time and this moment. And that's a miraculous thing, in this great big world with so many people to just meet someone like that, some you can take from and is willing to give... someone you are willing to give to and who will take from knowing it's out of concern and 'love' or one another, and out of the purity of friendship. It's special, unique, like everything was meant to be.

We talked a lot about love and relationships. And one thing she told me very frankly, and that I never realise was this: am I really ready for a relationship?

I may be constantly longing for it, and constantly complaining about being lonely and alone, but it will come when the time is right. Perhaps it's just too early, and I'm not prepared at all. Perhaps all I want is to have that feeling given to me, but not really realising what 'love' or a relationship means.

If I were to have a relationship, would I not just completely and totally depend on that person and expect so much that I cling on and never let go? Isn't that unhealthy and just too needy?
She was really right... I should use this time alone to figure myself out, to find out things I enjoy and to learn how to be alone without being lonely.... basically to learn to like and eventually love myself, before I start to like or even love another person. Only then could there be balance. Only then could a relationship be healthy. Too much longing creates too much expectations... and will be painful and hurt deeply if those expectations are not met. She was so right...

It will come, in time, when I and the rest of the world is ready.

We parted, at close to 1am on a cool night. But inside I felt pretty warmed and comforted.