Walk

It probably wasn't such a good idea to walk around in the rain, especially when my throat is aching and I feel a cold coming. But I needed it.

With an exam looming tomorrow, I've been feeling pretty down and low, again. All the motivation and energy seemed to have been drained out of me, and instead of getting down to do some studying, I've been sleeping and sleeping. Not that I'm tired or so, but seems like sleeping could take away the days and waking moments.

The weather's not been too kind either. Low-lying clouds, rain and wind. I know that it's the very last exam, but still there's nothing to motivate me onwards. Seems like whatever I read, the words go through me and I forget instantly... worse is I don't really have a clue what we're expected to know from the huge book we've been given to revise. It's as if I couldn't really care less, even though it's so important...

I think it started around a month ago, because of another course I was doing. A group of us had worked so hard and so long on producing a memorial and arguing in front of a mock court. We were so committed and dedicated, had great arguments and performed well in our presentations. Our written arguments was around 50 pages in total, and extremely professionally done. Yet we got this incompetent and extremely frigid teacher who assessed our work. We ended up with a disappointing mark, even though compared to so many others we really worked together as a team and had all our arguments well thought out and consistently presented.

I didn't think it would affect me this much, but it really has. We spoke to our course coordinator, but basically he said there's nothing much that can be done. But the damage has been done, and all of us feel so deflated and discouraged from the whole experience. It's as if saying hardwork means nothing at all, whereas people who just throw anything on paper get similar grades. Why bother trying if this is the result we're going to get? Throughout the whole year I've been quite satisfied with the course so far... but because of this, and a lot of other petty little things that's been accumulating, I'm really feeling angry and bitter towards this entire masters programme, and the whole university.

It took a walk in the rain to get this out of me. I'll be so glad when this whole fiasco is all over.